“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
— Ephesians 4:32
Introduction
This past Lord’s Day we considered Jesus’ Parable of the Unforgiving Servant (Matthew 18:21–35). There our Lord reminded us of the immeasurable debt God has forgiven in Christ and, in turn, our obligation to forgive those who sin against us.
That sermon naturally raises important questions. They are worthy to consider because like was mentioned in the sermon, forgiveness lies at the very heart of the gospel, we must answer these questions according to Scripture rather than our feelings, psychology, or the assumptions of our culture. Our model is not human wisdom but God’s forgiveness of sinners through Jesus Christ.
With that in mind, let’s consider some of the most frequently asked questions about forgiveness.
1. Why is forgiveness so important?
Forgiveness is not merely one Christian virtue among many—it is one of the clearest evidences that we have understood the gospel.
That is the point of Jesus’ Parable of the Unforgiving Servant. A servant who had been forgiven an unimaginably large debt refused to forgive a fellow servant who owed him comparatively little. The contrast is intentionally shocking. Jesus wants us to see that every sin committed against us, however painful, is small compared to the immeasurable debt that God has graciously canceled through the death and resurrection of His Son.
The point is not that the sins committed against us are insignificant. They are often deeply painful and sometimes life-altering. Rather, the point is that God’s mercy toward us is immeasurably greater. Those who have received such astonishing grace should become people marked by forgiveness.
Forgiveness, then, is not peripheral to the Christian life. It is one of the clearest demonstrations that we have truly grasped the gospel.
2. What is forgiveness?
Biblical forgiveness is a promise made before God. It is not pretending the offense never happened, minimizing the hurt, or excusing sinful behavior. Rather, forgiveness is a deliberate decision to release the offender from your personal vengeance because Christ has dealt with sin at the cross.
Jay Adams helpfully summarized forgiveness by identifying four promises the forgiver makes:
- I will not dwell on this incident.
- I will not bring this incident up again and use it against you.
- I will not talk to others about this incident.
- I will not allow this incident to stand between us or hinder our personal relationship.
These promises are rooted in God’s own forgiveness. Adams frequently pointed to Isaiah 43:25:
“I, I am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake, and I will not remember your sins.”
God does not become forgetful. Rather, He sovereignly chooses never to remember or hold our sins against us. Because Christ has fully satisfied His justice, God refuses ever again to bring our sins forward for condemnation. Likewise, when we forgive, we choose not to weaponize past sins against another person.
Forgiveness is not primarily a feeling. It is a covenant promise rooted in the mercy God has shown us. That makes forgiveness a battle for the mind. Our sinful nature wants to keep score, replay offenses, and demand repayment. God’s Word calls us instead to imitate the forgiveness we ourselves have received in Christ.
3. What is forgiveness based on?
Our forgiveness of others is grounded entirely in God’s forgiveness of us.
Paul writes,
“Forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
Likewise,
“As the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” (Colossians 3:13)
We do not forgive because people deserve forgiveness. We forgive because we did not deserve God’s forgiveness either.
Every offense committed against us is real. Some wounds run very deep. Yet every offense we have committed against our infinitely holy God is infinitely greater. Nevertheless, Christ willingly bore our guilt, satisfied divine justice, and reconciled us to the Father.
The gospel is therefore both the foundation and the motivation for forgiveness. We forgive because we have been forgiven.
Nor does forgiveness ignore justice. The cross demonstrates that sin must always be judged. The difference is that Christians entrust ultimate justice to God rather than seeking personal revenge (Romans 12:19).
4. Does forgiveness minimize the seriousness of sin?
Absolutely not.
One of the greatest misconceptions about forgiveness is that it somehow excuses, ignores, or minimizes sin. Biblical forgiveness does none of those things. In fact, forgiveness begins by honestly acknowledging that a real offense has occurred. There has been genuine hurt. Justice is deserved.
The cross itself teaches us this truth. If sin were insignificant, Christ would not have had to suffer and die. The very price of our redemption demonstrates the seriousness of sin. Yet at that same cross we also see the immeasurable mercy of God toward sinners.
When God forgives, He does not pretend our sins never existed. Rather, because Christ has fully satisfied His justice, He promises never to remember them against us again. Likewise, when we forgive, we do not deny the reality of the offense; we choose not to hold it against the offender because Christ has borne the penalty for sin.
Forgiveness, therefore, does not minimize sin—it magnifies the grace of God.
5. How many times must I forgive?
Peter once thought seven times sounded generous.
Jesus replied,
“I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.” (Matthew 18:22)
Jesus was not giving Peter a new numerical limit. He was describing a lifestyle characterized by forgiveness.
He immediately illustrated this truth with the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant. The servant had been forgiven an unimaginably large debt but refused to forgive a comparatively insignificant one. The lesson is unmistakable: those who have received immeasurable mercy should become people who gladly extend mercy.
Every genuine act of repentance should be met with genuine forgiveness. Just as God continually forgives His repentant children, Christians should continually forgive those who repent.
Forgiveness is not measured with a calculator but shaped by the immeasurable grace we ourselves have received.
6. What if the person does not ask for forgiveness?
This is perhaps the most difficult question.
Scripture distinguishes between having a forgiving spirit and granting forgiveness.
A forgiving spirit refuses bitterness, hatred, revenge, and personal retaliation. It prays for the offender, seeks his good, and remains eager to forgive. This reflects Christ’s command to love our enemies (Matthew 5:44) and Paul’s instruction to overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21).
At the same time, Scripture ordinarily connects forgiveness with repentance (Luke 17:3–4). Just as reconciliation with God is enjoyed through repentance and faith, reconciliation between believers ordinarily occurs through confession, repentance, and forgiveness.
Douglas Wilson, in a sermon on forgiveness entitled, Mechanics of Forgiveness, captures this balance with a memorable illustration. He encourages Christians to wrap forgiveness like a gift, wrap it in the gaudiest of packaging, and set it by the front door, eagerly waiting for the offender to come and receive it. In other words, forgiveness should already be prepared in our hearts. There should be no bitterness, no desire for revenge, and no reluctance to forgive. The gift is wrapped, addressed, and waiting. We simply await the opportunity for repentance and reconciliation.
This protects us from two opposite errors. One is refusing to forgive until our hearts become bitter and cold. The other is collapsing forgiveness into unconditional acceptance that ignores repentance altogether. Biblical forgiveness avoids both extremes by cultivating a heart that is always ready to forgive while honoring God’s pattern of repentance and reconciliation.
7. Does forgiveness mean I have to trust the person again?
No.
Forgiveness and trust are closely related, but they are not identical.
Forgiveness is a promise. Trust is confidence rebuilt through demonstrated faithfulness.
Jesus Himself “did not entrust Himself” to certain people because He knew what was in their hearts (John 2:24–25). Likewise, after John Mark abandoned Paul on the first missionary journey, Paul did not immediately restore him to ministry. Only after Mark had demonstrated years of faithfulness could Paul later write,
“Get Mark and bring him with you, for he is very useful to me for ministry.” (2 Timothy 4:11)
This distinction is especially important when the sin has been serious or repeated. A spouse guilty of adultery, a business partner who has stolen, or a friend who has repeatedly lied may be genuinely forgiven when they repent. Yet wisdom does not require immediately restoring the relationship to its former level of trust. Trust is rebuilt as repentance bears fruit over time.
Forgiveness opens the door to reconciliation. Repentance begins the journey. Faithfulness rebuilds trust. By God’s grace, many broken relationships can eventually be fully restored.
8. Does forgiveness eliminate consequences?
No.
Forgiveness removes guilt before God and releases us from personal vengeance, but it does not necessarily remove the earthly consequences of sin.
David is perhaps the clearest example. After his sin with Bathsheba, Nathan declared,
“The LORD also has put away your sin.” (2 Samuel 12:13)
David was truly forgiven. Yet the painful consequences of his sin continued throughout his life.
Likewise today, a forgiven thief may still serve a prison sentence. A forgiven employee may still lose his position. A forgiven spouse may still need time to rebuild trust. Forgiveness and consequences can exist side by side.
Recognizing this helps us avoid two errors. One is believing that forgiveness requires eliminating every consequence. The other is withholding forgiveness until every consequence has been satisfied. Scripture teaches neither.
God’s forgiveness is complete, but His fatherly discipline and His wise providence often continue for our good.
9. What is the goal of forgiveness?
The goal of forgiveness is far greater than simply ending conflict.
The goal is reconciliation, restored fellowship, and the display of the gospel.
When sin separates people, forgiveness opens the door to restoration. Repentance begins that process. Trust may need to be rebuilt. Consequences may remain. But wherever possible, believers should pursue peace and renewed fellowship because this reflects the reconciling work of Christ.
Paul exhorts us,
“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” (Romans 12:18)
The gospel is not merely about individual forgiveness; it creates a reconciled people. Every act of biblical forgiveness becomes a testimony to the grace we ourselves have received in Christ.
10. What happens if I do not forgive?
Unforgiveness is never merely a private struggle; it is a serious spiritual danger.
Bitterness grows like a poisonous root (Hebrews 12:15). It hardens the heart, poisons relationships, disrupts fellowship within the church, and robs believers of joy and peace.
Jesus also gives a sobering warning in Matthew 18. The servant who refused to forgive demonstrated that he had never truly grasped the magnitude of the mercy shown to him. Those who have genuinely experienced God’s forgiving grace become forgiving people. While believers continue to struggle with sin, a settled refusal to forgive is fundamentally inconsistent with a heart transformed by the gospel.
Refusing to forgive also places us under the loving discipline of our heavenly Father. When we cling to resentment, another person’s sin continues to exercise power over our own hearts. Forgiveness frees us to entrust justice to God, who always judges righteously.
Forgiveness does not erase consequences, ignore wisdom, or pretend sin was insignificant. It simply refuses to allow another person’s sin to keep us in bondage while resting confidently in God’s perfect justice.
Final Thoughts
The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant reminds us that forgiveness is not merely one Christian virtue among many—it is one of the clearest evidences that we have understood the gospel. Those who know the magnitude of the debt Christ has canceled cannot remain unchanged toward those who owe them comparatively little.
Forgiveness is costly because sin is costly. Every act of forgiveness points us back to Calvary, where justice and mercy met in the Lord Jesus Christ. The deeper our appreciation of God’s forgiveness toward us, the more ready we will be to forgive those who sin against us.
May the Lord make Holy Covenant Church a congregation that neither minimizes sin nor clings to bitterness, but lovingly confronts sin, eagerly extends forgiveness, wisely rebuilds trust, joyfully celebrates repentance, and continually reflects the forgiving heart of our heavenly Father.
HCC Blog: https://holycovenantchurch.com/blog/
Sermon Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DF6yUaL0y3E
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