Introduction
This last week’s message ended the visit between Jethro and Moses. As the Bible informs us, Jethro arrived on the scene to bring Zipporah and the children back to Moses. The visit revealed that Jethro had become a believer in Yahweh, which was indeed glorious. But the visit also included Jethro giving Moses wise counsel as Moses sought to shepherd the people of God.
This brief visit, added to the forty years that the two men spent together, reveals a respectful and loving relationship between them. And as I considered their relationship, I was reminded of how it sets forth—or at least helps shape—how fathers should think about their relationship with their sons-in-law.
Giving Away a Daughter
We often speak of a father “giving away” his daughter in marriage. There is something fitting and biblical in the language. A father has been given a particular responsibility for his daughter. He has loved her, protected her, provided for her, instructed her, and prayed for her. Then comes a day when another man stands before him and declares his intention to take responsibility for loving, protecting, providing for, and leading this woman.
That is no small thing.
Scripture tells us, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). Marriage really does change relationships. A new household is established. A father must recognize that his relationship with his daughter has changed. He is still her father, but he is no longer the principal man responsible for her. Her husband now bears that responsibility.
That can be difficult for a father.
We have probably all heard a father say at a wedding, sometimes jokingly and sometimes with tears in his eyes, “I’m losing my little girl today.”
I remember feeling the weight of this the first time I gave a daughter away. As it became clear that things were trending toward marriage, I remember telling my wife that perhaps we should just call the whole thing off. Like a wise and gracious wife, she gently asked, “Why?” To which I gave the deeply reasoned response, “Because.”
And again, like a wise and gracious wife, she informed me that we couldn’t do that.
What drove me to think like this? It was the notion that I was losing my girl.
But the question we should consider is this: Is that really the best way for Christian fathers to think about marriage?
Jethro Didn’t Lose Zipporah
I would argue that it is not, and I would ask you to consider Jethro.
When Moses fled Egypt, he came to Midian and eventually married Jethro’s daughter Zipporah (Ex. 2:21). Moses then spent forty years in Midian before the Lord called him to return to Egypt.
Jethro had plenty of opportunity to get to know his son-in-law.
And what is striking when we encounter the two men again in Exodus 18 is the warmth of their relationship.
When Moses heard that Jethro was coming, “Moses went out to meet his father-in-law, bowed down, and kissed him. And they asked each other about their well-being, and they went into the tent” (Ex. 18:7).
There is honor here.
There is affection here.
There is fellowship here.
But that is not all. Jethro watches as Moses labors from morning until evening judging the people. Rather than standing at a distance and criticizing his son-in-law, Jethro comes alongside him. He identifies the problem, offers wisdom, and then leaves Moses responsible to act before God.
“Listen now to my voice; I will give you counsel, and God will be with you” (Ex. 18:19).
And Moses receives it.
It would be easy to think of their relationship merely in terms of Zipporah: Jethro is her father, and Moses is her husband. But what we actually see is a relationship between two men who have come to love, respect, and benefit one another.
Jethro had not simply given away a daughter.
He had gained a son.
And that is a better way for us to think about the marriage of our daughters—and our sons, for that matter.
Marriage Enlarges the Family
This is something Christian fathers and mothers ought to recover.
When your daughter or son marries a godly man or woman, you are not merely surrendering someone precious. You are not losing a portion of your family. Rather, God is enlarging your family.
You gain another man to love.
Another man to pray for.
Another man to encourage.
Another man with whom to labor.
Another man to whom you can give wisdom—and from whom you may one day receive wisdom.
Your daughter’s husband should not forever remain simply “the man who married my daughter” He should increasingly become your son. And this should be the same for mothers and their son’s wives.
This does not erase the distinction between a biological child and a son- or daughter-in-law. Scripture itself continues to use such language. But those titles describe the nature of the relationship; they need not limit the depth of affection that grows within it.
The goal should be something like what we see with Moses and Jethro: mutual respect, affection, fellowship, and counsel.
So perhaps we fathers need to change the way we think about that moment when we walk our daughters down the aisle. Yes, we are giving someone precious away. Yes, the relationship is changing. Yes, another man is taking up responsibilities that once belonged particularly to us.
But we are not simply losing.
God, in His kindness, is adding.
We aren’t losing a daughter. We’re gaining a son.
May the Lord continue to enlarge our families and deepen the relationships between fathers and sons-in-law, mothers and daughters-in-law, and parents and the spouses God graciously gives to their children—all for the glory of His name and the blessing of our families.
HCC Blog: https://holycovenantchurch.com/blog/
Sermon Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGXiyFAoj6M
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